Fun with Philosophy: Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
Great Thinkers Answer a Question that's Bothered Us for Ages
Philosophy isn't a very popular subject of conversation these days, but it could be. It could be fun to summarize what certain philosophies are all about. Here are some ways popular philosophers or advocates of different philosophies may respond to the question 'Why did the chicken cross the road?':
The Rationalist - There really is no proof that the chicken crossed the road. Scientists haven’t closely studied said chicken doing so, therefore the allegations claiming that the chicken crossed the road can’t be trusted. In fact, common rationale points to the the contrary. Chickens are not known for crossing roads, according to ornithologists (bird scientists). Studies have shown that chickens are territorial animals and do not venture far, so the story of the chicken crossing the road is most likely a myth or urban legend.
The Nihilist - To claim there was a reason for the chicken to cross the road is to assume there is a reason for the chicken to exist, and for the road to exist. This presupposes that there is some objective order to existence. If you’re asking why the chicken did anything, you are projecting your own values upon the chicken.
The Existentialist - Did the chicken really cross the road? Maybe it just seems that way. Even if you did see this alleged chicken cross what you call a road, who's to say that what you saw was real?
The Pragmatist - To get to the other side.
The Machiavellian - So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained. (source: infiltec.com)
The Relativist - There is no wrong answer to why the chicken crossed the road. It's really a matter of personal opinion. It could have decided to cross the road for a variety of different reasons, and all of those reasons are equal in importance. The most preposterous thing to presume is that the chicken crossed the road for one reason and one reason alone.
The Darwinist - It was the logical next step after escaping from the coop. Millions of years from now, we may find this chicken’s fossil and then we can know that all birds of its general size and anatomy came from it. Since this daring chicken crossed the road, we can logically state that future chickens will be able to fly long distances and eventually travel to the moon.
The Individualist - To find itself apart from the world it has known all its life and make a name for itself. The chicken knew that on the other side of the road it would no longer have to depend on the farmer's feed, and would be freed from the boring life to which the other chickens on the farm were bound. By crossing the road, the chicken started a legacy that we're still talking about today. We should all look to the chicken as a role model.
The Utilitarian - According to most recent statistics there were too many chickens on the side it was on, so it was cast out by the others for the greater good of society.
The Realist - I really don’t know why. It would have been better if it stayed in the coop. At least it had security there. Now it has to face all kinds of uncertain danger, and it really wasn’t worth the risk to cross the road. It probably crossed the road hoping for a change, but we all know dreams don’t come true.
The Hedonist - Just for fun. COLO (Chickens only live once).
Rousseau - Because the land on the other side belongs to the chicken just as much as it does to anyone else.
Karl Marx - The chicken crossing the road marked the rise of the proletariat class against the higher classes. By crossing the road, this renowned chicken established an identity for the other chickens, who were suppressed by the other animals on the farm. Ever since the chicken crossed the road, chickens have been rising through the ranks of the farm society.
Aristotle - To pursue its happiness. Even though he feared the road, he knew freedom and self knowledge waited on the other side.
Plato - You must not wonder that those chickens who succeed in crossing the road are unwilling to cross back over to the side where they began; for their souls are ever hastening toward that which is on the other side where they desire to dwell; which desire of theirs is very natural.
Ernest Hemingway - To die … in the rain … alone. It wanted to die doing something heroic … even if it was completely meaningless and accomplished nothing. (Hemingway and Unfulfilled Longing)
Thomas Aquinas - For his disobedience to God, man was punished by the disobedience of chickens which should be subject to him. Due to this, chickens may cross roads, escape coops, and do all matters of things in defiance to man, their natural masters.
This has to end somewhere
There are probably many other philosophers who’d have a few words to say about why the chicken crossed the road. For now though, I hope these reasons suffice. As you can see, it is only fitting that the common response, “to get to the other side” is a pragmatist response. After all, I believe, pragmatism is the prevailing philosophy of our day. It was popularized by American philosopher John Dewey (1859-1952), known for the Dewey Decimal System used in libraries.
However, the pragmatic answer isn’t the only one. In a way, all these answers contain at least one element of truth. All these philosophies have a piece of the puzzle, and they only stray into falsehood when we start to think they give us the whole picture.
Maybe this calls for a part two? Perhaps we should asks great philosophers what came first, the chicken or the egg?